My Health

 I'm still fighting back at my health. My heart is good says a cardiologist I paid $2,000. My lungs are clear. I went to 6 doctors and they all said there's nothing wrong with me. THAT is where all my money went. Before I got on Medicare, I was without insurance. I desperately wanted to find relief. My knees are very painful at times but I lost a shit load of weight and building muscle in my legs to help the knees. The doc in Gunnison shot both knees with a concoction that made them tolerable as I build muscle and stretch my hips. It's all connected.

For my back, I went to Frisco, CO to the "experts" who treat the skiers. She explained the muscles in my back and how my pathetic spine was affecting everything else. She shot me in my back with some stuff that temporarily made it stiff but not in pain.

I decided that doctors are clueless. I set out on my own quest for healing. Inflammation is killing me but it was stress that almost killed me. The anxiety hurt me physically with changing symptoms.  Nobody was taking me serious. I drove myself to an ER because I couldn't breathe. It passed soon after arriving. $4,000!!!

I lived 53 miles from work and commuted back roads most of the way. I was getting lost on my way home before I figured out Google Maps. I still got confused. My attention span is about 2 minutes making movies, reading, and following verbal instructions very difficult. I avoid anything that resembles frustration.

My psychiatrist told me I had a nervous breakdown. While flailing at work, unable to perform for past few years caused much stress. I had nobody to help me at home. I figured out who my real friends were. Most didn't take me serious. If you have cancer or heart attack, everybody understands and helps. With a mental illness, they avoid you and give you shitty advice. Clueless.

The Inflammation makes it difficult to walk. This is new, last 12 months. I'm fighting back. I take different meds, cbd, thc to help and I stretch and exercise like crazy. I power through the pain. I'm still experimenting with food to help me. If you go to the doctor, they don't have a clue or unable to talk about cbd, thc, etc. One doctor told me that Ibuprofen is the only thing I can do.

I'm not going to let any illness ground me. I'll crawl first. Driving is no longer a problem so the dangerous part is past. I'm getting better with concentration. My reading is improving and I think it's because of my writing. 

I'll never be able to code again I'm afraid. Too bad, I could make a living online. I was a very talented programmer, able to keep track of many many many details in my head with 25 open windows connected to servers with several passwords. I could recite maybe 12 numbers after a glance. I can barely do 4 now. Fuck! I thought retirement would have been under better conditions.

I realize some have more serious issues and I'm grateful to still be able to do what I do. I've met a 90+ yo who gave me hope. My daughter, Kristen, asked me what my plan is for when I have to give it up. She doesn't want to know. I am NOT going to live in a house. I'm damn sure I am not going to assisted living. I'm too wild at this point. Living here with Meghan is driving me crazy 🤪 . I can't wait to get back "out there".