Lots of Processing

 I use music as medicine the same as I use weed as medicine. Sometimes together. Today I am a little wound up as my house gets towed tomorrow. I also have pills for this. I can't describe the torture on my brain as it scrambles to anticipate every problem. 

My brain can't just make a single pass, it has to repeat, rewind, play, rewind until I take action to suppress it. At least I understand what's happening. I think it's leftover brain crap from programming days in a hot seat when that shit played in my head 24/7. When it hits on a particular wave, I get hit physically. This is all new in the past year. I thought it was because I was off meds but now I should be good. I'm able to function so it's progress.

It's not so much the music (though it's the best in history before and since), it's what the song reminds me of. Geez, so many people I tossed to the curb in life and many are dead or want nothing to do with me. My closest friends from childhood are dead. More and more people dropping dead means I'm moving up in the queue.

I found a pic of my HS friend, Art Schafer, in the Florida DOC database and he died in 1999 while serving a life sentence for murdering an old lady for drug money. At first they gave him the death sentence but that got overturned. This happened in 1986. So, you think that taking my family out of S Florida in 1979 was a good move? 

My life seems to be this chaos with a few, choice, good decisions. Marrying Laura, leaving Florida, joining AF, getting out of AF. It was enough to propel me through life.