Asperger Syndrome

 I was diagnosed with this. I'm also bi-polar. People with bi-polar prefer to be off their meds as it makes them feel euphoric at times and full of energy. The problem with that is you don't know when it will flip on you or go awry and start rapid cycling. Anxiety is an unfortunate side effect that results in physical problems. I spent many hours curled up on my bed in pain, nauseated, and hard to breathe.

My stress at not being able to do my job resulted in a HUGE onset of anxiety and depression. It started around 2016 and progressed for 3 years. I was seeing a psychiatrist every month, trying to get it under control, adjusting meds. I was living and eating in bed and barely able to care for myself and get to work. It was gradually progressing. I felt like I was dying. Doctors were clueless, there was nothing physically wrong with me.

The Asperger's is a constant thread in my head and can't be treated. It's something I can overcome with effort and it totally explains my life. 

Please educate yourself about mental illness. If I had cancer, you'd understand. Just because you've not been diagnosed, doesn't mean you aren't mental. Many bi-polar people get diagnosed later in life as it rears it's ugly self. It can go dormant for years. Mine has got worse over time. I was first diagnosed in 2010 after suffering a major anxiety attack. 

Lately, I'm exploring the notion that I may have adult ADHD. I have a doctor online who seems to think it's bi-polar. Doctors are still disagreeing about this.

If you go to the ER, they don't know what to do. I told them to shoot me full of Ativan. Later, I couldn't get Ativan anymore because I was also taking 40 mg Oxycodone daily and there was an alert that the combo could cause me to stop breathing.

My motive here is not for you to feel sorry for me but to understand me and perhaps save someone who might also be suffering. It's part of my journey. I'm back on meds and somewhat stable but I have endured extreme stress in the past 4 months and it has taken a toll on me. 

Understanding myself and knowing what's going on helps tremendously. Not knowing is really scary.